2 Things Money Cannot Buy: 1.) Home Grown Tomaters, 2.) Gringo Sized Hammocks

The sound of Cole's warm North Carolinian singing voice still echoes in my ear drums after a fantastic 4 days with he and Skyler on our trip down the Amazon on a lancha (looks like a large 3 story river boat). The date of this trip was June 23rd-June 27th. Two days before the trip Cole, Skyler and I took a walk through Belen to shop for the necessary effects to better enhance the experience of a 4 day boat trip. Hammocks was the first thing on the agenda, since this was the only conceivable option for a bed while on the boat—David told us a list of ways to set up our hammocks to avoid clutter with other people’s hammocks, while keeping a safe distance away from our belongings to minimize the chance of theft. We all agreed that the preferred option would be to get a lockable room to place our stuff, and we were fortunate enough to get this room when we went to the boat the day before to reserve a spot.

---A funny story, the day of the boat departure (supposedly at 6:30pm), we grabbed a bunch of snacks and 18 liters of water and put these things and our belongings into our storage room, which we cleverly locked with a different padlock than was provided by the boat staff. Well, we didn’t look too cleaver when we were running around trying to figure out how the boat was departing with all of our stuff, sans gringos….2 hrs early.

The story goes like this. A man who helped us figure out the proper boat for departure to Yurimaguas (obviously for a small fee…nothing is ever free when you’re a gringo) told us about a mystical gray plastic bottle of beer, that was not to be missed. “Well we should have this beer for the trip”, we thought (well Cole probably said this out load). It was 3:30pm, hell we had enough time to do this…so with that we left the boat in search of this magical drink. After about an hour of searching, tagging along a drunken Peruvian man who thought he was helping, but was really just creeping us all out by grabbing our hands and directing us to his friends restaurants, we found the gray bottles of “beer”. Well it wasn’t actually beer, it was really sprite and vodka, with a hint of plastic (BPA) taste. I wish I had a picture of this. It was 2 liters of yuck. But we drank the whole thing the first night.

On our way back to the boat, to our surprise, Eduardo V was no longer docked next to the muddy shores of the masusa, instead it was DEPARTING UP RIVER!!! HOLY CRAP!!! “whaddawedo!?” “We have to hire a pecke pecke (small motorized canoe), to catch this thing!” “All of our stuff is on this thing”! All of this erupted from our mouths simultaneously. Luckily for us this shock and surprise subsided when we realized they were just parking it in a different spot, created by wedging the boat between two closely parked boats of similar size and make. It was like watching Cinderella’s ugly sister put on the glass slipper by wedging it on with a board. I am sure the sound of crushing and snapping wood would have been quite similar. ----
Ok back to the hammocks.

Now maybe there are just certain things that you don’t bargain shop for. For example, open heart surgery, Lasiks, climbing ropes. Well add to that list hammocks…. We spent a great deal of time wheeling and dealing with a small hammock shop owner and his young female co worker. In the art of bartering (which you do with pretty much every market purchase you make in Peru), a person must stay firm. David Sparkman likes to use two methods with taxi drivers: 1.)The utter-disbelief-with-the-price evoked laughter fit or 2.) the walk away and find another taxi method. This man has gone to a great lengths (I have seen him in action), to talk a driver down 50 centimos (mas o menos 20 US cents), for a 30 minute cab ride. Ruthless. Don’t be fooled by his charming and easygoing demeanor--He’ll barter the devil for your soul, I’m sure of it. And get it for a good price.

Ok, so back to the hammock bartering. The dashing trio managed to talk the pair of shop workers down to 22 soles per hammock--our American minds working their hardest to convince them that “buying in bulk should mean we get a better unit price”. Unfortunately what we neglected to realize was this was a market shop in Belen. Not Costco. However, after a good deal of trying the “walk away method” (David you would have been so proud), along with a contrived attempt to set up the hammocks between two human poles (Cole and I) to get a better idea of the hammock size, both parties were content with the transaction. Well at least until we tried to set these hammocks up the day of our departure…

Here’s a fact. Cole, Skyler and I are somewhat tall. Most would agree that being over 6ft would categorize a person as such. However this standard of tall does not translate over to the Peru standard of a tall person, which in most cases might be a male who is over 5ft 6in. These hammocks fit this standard (obviously not fitting ours). The first night Cole, Skyler and I sat in chairs next to our room, happily drinking cane sugar rum and talking about life. Cole played “Home Grown Tomaters” on Skylers ukulele, and we were pretty certain that we were living the life of kings. And I think we were right. Well, that was until Cole and I tried to sleep in these half sized hammocks. Skyler took the smart route, staying in the storage room, which actually had a bathroom and two beds. Cole and I, wanting the full lancha a Yurimaguas experience, decided to push through the discomfort and managed to get decent night sleeps all 3 nights, when combining the 4 hrs during the day when there was nothing better to do than sleep. Yes the Hammocks were very small, but Cole and I managed to figure out how to lay along the hypotenuse to maximize length. One day Cole and I were heading back to our hammocks for a afternoon siesta, and to our surprise, there was a man, all covered up in his hammock, about 20 nano meters above Coles Hammock. I have no idea what this guy was thinking, but Cole just slept in Skylers hammock next to mine, intermittently pushing me into the mysterious man while I was trying to sleep. This man was obviously drunk, he rank of cheap beer and rum. But this all made sense seeing as it was a holiday (the name of which has slipped my mind) the night before.

The rest of the trip was filled with great conversation (in Spanish the majority of the time), seemingly endless stops in remote villages along the river, action movies with Dolph Lungren or Stephen Segal dubbed in Spanish (excellent), and time together. The boat arrived late in Yurimaguas (was supposed to arrive in the morning but instead arrived at 4:30pm), and we took a bus to Tarapoto.
I am so blessed to have shared such an amazing trip with 2 amazing men. Thanks Cole and Skyler for your company on a trip I will not soon forget.

Thanks for reading!